Couples therapy – rediscover the love between you and make it grow

Couples therapy helps to create greater physical and psychological closeness, resolve recurring discussions and misunderstandings or find a way out of crises caused by infidelity, serious illness, poor finances or other.

With a course with me, you sharpen your attention to yourself and your relationship. You will be able to achieve:

Greater acceptance of - and room for - each other’s differences

Greater understanding of the core of your problem - where, how and why it goes wrong

Better communication and fewer misunderstandings

More intimacy and presence in everyday life

Resolution of deadlocked conflicts

Couples therapy can be of help to lovers, cohabitants and spouses. However, it also applies to other couple relationships such as e.g. parent/child, siblings, friends, colleagues, neighbors or others who want to resolve recurring conflicts or develop a more loving and trusting relationship.

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Couples therapy loosens up the unconscious patterns that create conflict and drain your love

It is not the conflicts between you that cause problems, it is the way it affects you and how you handle that, and how you repair your relationship afterwards.

An aid to you both

Couples therapy provides new ways to deal with difficult feelings so that they do not affect your relationship. In the process with me, it is not about who is right or wrong, the process supports you both, so that you get closer to each other and free up the stuck positions that are wearing you out.

An opportunity to act

The focus in my couples therapy is always what you can do concretely to achieve what you want. The prerequisite for a positive result is usually that both of you change some of your behaviour. In this way, you can get rid of the unconscious patterns that otherwise keep you stuck, and lead to conflict after conflict.

A space for what’s difficult

In all my courses, we create a space where you can put into words what is difficult to talk about when you are alone. Together we examine how you can handle your conflicts differently and what you can do to restore confidentiality and avoid recurring frustrations in the future.

Couples therapy typically takes place over 8-12 sessions, where you both come together and separately

The duration of couples therapy depends on the issues you bring and how willing you are to work on your relationship. In general, most couples need 8-12 sessions to meet their needs. In the course, there will usually be sessions where you both participate, and sessions where you come separately.

Session 1
Setting the framework
Many who start couples therapy with me are in doubt as to where the core problem in their relationship actually lies. Therefore, the first conversation is usually identifying which areas of the relationship need examining. This often brings relief in itself, and means that many experience positive changes already after the first session.
Sessions 2-7
Finding the way forward
We talk through your issues thoroughly, and examine which strategies can help you to move forward. If you wish, there is an opportunity to work on concrete tasks between the sessions – if not, we will keep the work solely to session times.
Sessions 8-12
Incorporating new habits
When everyday life returns, it is easy to fall back into old habits and unconscious patterns. Therefore, the focus in the last part of couples therapy is to strengthen your ability to maintain the positive change you have created between you. There is usually a little longer time between sessions.

Feel free to contact me if you want to know what couples therapy could look like for you

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Couples therapy is a help in various situations

Most couples come to me with a desire to understand themselves and their partner better. They want to be able to be there and support the other, but without compromising themselves and their own needs. Many also need help to manage their emotions more appropriately when the needs are opposite and the positions are locked.

I also often hear the question of how to avoid recurring conflicts and solve problems instead of escalating them.

Examples of challenges I often encounter during couples therapy are:

Infidelity – and dealing with the feelings of anger, grief, mistrust and jealousy
Different values – e.g. in relation to child-rearing, housing, activity level and your social life
Finances – and conflicts, caused by different priorities or a lack of financial balance in everyday life
Sex – the desire is gone or you have different needs
Lack of presence and intimacy – feelings of loneliness in the relationship
Everyday life takes over – you take each other for granted and no longer spend quality time together
Lack of understanding of – and acceptance of – each other’s differences
Feelings of inadequacy in the relationship – even if you make an effort, you feel wrong and that it is difficult to be “yourself”
The experience that the other person has power over you – you avoid doing things that you want to do, because you know that the other person doesn’t like it
Arguments and endless discussions where no one hears what the other is saying

Below you can learn more about some of the problems clients come to me with again and again. But everyone comes with a unique set of circumstances and I welcome getting to know you both and providing you with exactly what you need from therapy.

For those who want to develop their relationship

Rediscover the intimacy between you

This couples therapy course is for those of you who actually get on well together, but would like to invest in getting closer together and get some good strategies for dealing with conflicts.

You may have a feeling that your relationship is not what it used to be. Maybe you don’t spend as much time together as you used to. Maybe you – or one of you – don’t feel like sex much anymore. Maybe you disagree more easily, and discuss small things that didn’t used to be so important to either of you. It is probably very sad and creates a longing in each of you for what was.

The bad news is that this is completely normal. When everyday life takes up too much, many couples find that the spark disappears. Falling in love disappears, you become complacent, and unresolved conflicts take up more space.

The good news is that you can easily find each other again. This course supports you in creating more space for intimacy and presence in your everyday life, so that your relationship regains its original strength, and you find a new way of being yourself on the other side of falling in love.

The focus of the therapy is:

That you regain intimacy and presence
That you become aware of the difference between necessary and unnecessary conflicts
That you get some good strategies for handling your conflicts

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For those who want to be close again

Get out of the crisis – together

This course is for those of you who feel that your relationship has burned down. You both want to stay together and make the relationship work again, but don’t know how.

You may find that again and again you end up in the same endless discussions about child-rearing, finances, sex, priorities or other things. When you try to talk about it, you both find that your partner doesn’t listen or understand you. You talk past each other, feel misunderstood and that the other person has some ideas about you that you cannot recognise. It is a tiring and difficult space to be in.

It could also be that you are in the middle of an acute crisis caused by infidelity, serious illness or something else. It activates a lot of intense and mixed emotions that can be difficult to handle and put into words. You find yourself caught in a vicious circle of anger and mistrust, which you can’t break free from, but which keeps pulling you further apart.

In this couples therapy course, we find a way out of the crisis.

We look at the crisis in itself, but also examine what is behind it. Often it is unconscious feelings, connected to experiences from the past, that trigger each of you and keep you in the locked positions. By identifying the unconscious patterns you each carry with you from the past, it also becomes possible to change them, rebuild trust and create real change, where you both become better at handling your emotions more appropriately.

The focus of the therapy is:

That you become aware of when and how you talk past each other
That you achieve a mutual understanding of what is at the heart of your conflict
That you strengthen your ability to talk about your (opposite) wishes and needs
That you get some good strategies for handling your conflicts
That you know what it takes to find each other again and restore trust

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For those who are in doubt

Bring clarity to your relationship

This clarifying couples therapy course is aimed at those of you who are in doubt as to whether you should stay together or break up.

Perhaps you feel that closeness and intimacy have disappeared. Maybe you get stuck in the same conflict over and over again and can’t really move on. Perhaps you have a feeling of loneliness and distance from each other, even though you spend many hours of the day together. You may be asking yourselves if you have grown apart. If your values are too different. If you even want the same thing in life. Do you still respect each other enough?

Thoughts of divorce are not always an indication that there is something fundamentally wrong with the relationship you are in. Often they are rather due to the fact that you have an experience of being stuck and cannot see any other way. But if the love is there and both of you are willing to put in the effort, your relationship can also work again.

In this course, we examine what holds you together and how much effort you are willing to make to create space for the loving feelings again. You get the opportunity to work on your relationship and see if you can restore understanding and intimacy between you. If that is not possible, you can part ways with mutual respect and a much greater gratitude for what was.

The focus of the therapy is:

That you become aware of what you each miss in the relationship
That you become aware of what is needed to recreate what is missing
That you achieve a clarification of whether you should stay together or separate

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For those who have decided to divorce

Part with respect

No matter how much you agree to separate, divorces are rarely easy. They involve a lot of difficult decisions about children, property division and the future relationship. Usually they also trigger a lot of strong emotions, which are different from one party to the other, and which can make it difficult to handle yourself and relate soberly and rationally to each other.

Couples therapy can be of help here. Regardless of whether you have already separated or just made the decision to do so. And regardless of whether your situation is so difficult and conflict-ridden that you find it difficult to be in the same room, or the love has “simply” disappeared and you separate in mutual understanding.

This course supports you in creating a good process around your divorce. It partly helps you to deal with the hurt feelings and the mistrust that may have arisen between you. Partly to – in a respectful way – resolve any conflicts of interest that may arise. By maintaining a good and respectful relationship with each other, each of you can also more easily maintain a close relationship with your children, family and mutual friends in the future – and ensure that those relationships suffer as little as possible from your decision.

The focus of the therapy is:

That you become aware of which situations will typically challenge you
That you get strategies to handle the mistrust that may exist between you
That you get strategies to handle the conflicts that may arise

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For those who want to strengthen your relationship

Resolve old conflicts

This course is aimed at everyone who actually prefers to avoid each other, but is again and again forced together by external circumstances.

Perhaps you are former lovers/spouses who must be together for birthdays, school/home talks and other things for your children. Perhaps you are siblings or otherwise closely related and are expected to attend the same family celebrations. Perhaps you work in the same place, and must be able to get along both in the meeting room and the canteen. Or maybe you are neighbours and bump into each other every time you cut hedges or hold a meeting of the owner’s association’s board.

What you have in common is that you always end up in conflict. For some, there has been a major breach of trust that has never been restored. For others, there is no concrete reason why the conflicts continue to arise. Either way, you can both experience such deep feelings of anger, shame or hatred that just being in a room together activates something in you physically. Usually you also have doubts about whether it can ever get better.

Fortunately, it can.

In the process with me, we’ll jointly make some new rules for how you can be together in unavoidable situations. You’ll get some good strategies for how you handle yourself when you meet – both alone and with others around you. Couples therapy also has a strong redemptive effect, which in itself makes the relationship between you easier going forward.

The focus of the therapy is:

That you both listen and understand the other’s experience of the situation
To process any breaches of trust and feelings of guilt and shame
To develop new rules of the game for your togetherness

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Prices & subsidies

COUPLES THERAPY, 50 MINUTES
DKK 1,300
COUPLES THERAPY, 80 MINUTES
DKK 2,000
COUPLES THERAPY, 100 MINUTES
DKK 2,600
PAYMENT VIA INSURANCE OR COMPANY
DKK 100

As a member of Sygesikringen “danmark” you get a subsidy for psychological help of DKK 300 per session. (DKK 450 per session if you are between 16 and 25 years old).

Just remember to tell me about your membership when you book your first session. It is not necessary to be referred by your own doctor first.

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Book your sessions online

If you would like to work with me, you can easily and quickly book an appointment via my online calendar. I offer sessions both in my clinic in Vanløse and online via video.

If you have any questions about how couples therapy can help you and your partner, please feel free to contact me for a non-binding telephone conversation first.

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